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By thinking of your friends in the role(s) they fulfill for you, and you for them, it helps one decide whom to see for what purpose. Unfortunately, the author completely avoids the downside to this - namely its putting all the eggs in one basket - if one leaves or loses one's job, one loses, or it least becomes more distant from, one's friends. This can also make it more difficult to leave companies that head in a bad direction, inhibiting them from "getting while the getting is good." I'm not saying that having friends at work is bad, just that the negative consequences should be acknowledged.Finally the book talks about eight distinct roles of friendship, and how expecting one friend to cover all roles is not only unrealistic, but damaging to the friendship as well. This book raises some great points that really make one think, both about friendships in general, and also their place in the workplace. This is original and very useful information. Fortunately, these points are irrelevant to the focus of the book.In terms of friendships at work, the author shows this to be a win-win situation for employees and employers, improving both happiness and productivity. One must be careful though as the author appears to confuse correlation with causation in several places. A case is made, therefore, that employers should take action to encourage this.
Rath needs to do more work with these surveys before this makes its mark. Vital Friends: The People You Can't Afford to Live WithoutIt was a little light -- I had used StrengthsFinder 2.0 (much better) -- Less research and more subjectivity here.
You can easily read it in a day. Without a best friend at work, there's only a 1 in 12 chance you'll feel engaged. He says different friends fullfill different needs and describes the different types of friends: o Builders + Motivators and coaches + They push you + They know our strengths + They provide moral support o Champions + Stand up for you + Sing your praises + "Thrive on your accomplishments and happiness" o Collaborators + Share similar interests, ambitions and passions + Do a lot with you o Companions + Always there for you + Make sacrifices for you + First person you call o Connectors + Always introduce you to others + They seem to "know everybody" o Energizers + Your "fun friends" + Make good days, great + People you call to have a good time or to relax with o Mind Openers + Ask good questions + People you share ideas and express yourself outloud with o Navigators + Give advise + Steer you + Share dreams and goalsInterestingly, he says that in friendships we don't play the same role to each other. (All the numbers are from a Gallup poll).
In Vital Friends, Tom Rath makes two main points. (I read it on a two hour plane ride). So you might be a mind opener to your friend and your friend might be a champion for you.This book was an easy and interesting read. * One is that having friends at work is very beneficial to the employer.
* The second point he makes is that you can't expect all your friends to be all things to you. However, I would have liked a lot more detail and depth. With a best friend at work, you are much more likely to be productive. With three good friends at work you are 96% more likely to be extremely satisfied with your life.
I've heard of good friends, close friends, old friends, casual friends, best friends, even "just" friends, but I had never heard the word "vital" to describe friends until this book. It is easy, he says, to expect a friend to be "well rounded"-- in other words, to be good at everything: inspiring us, being a companion to us, giving us an energy boost, expanding our horizions, and a dozen other different things. Not "a good idea" or "important" but actually "vital"- absolutely necessary.He starts the book by stating that so much of the focus on personal and professional success is on self-improvement. His answer is, "The energy between two people is what creates great marriages, families, teams, and organizations." In fact, his first chapter is entitled, "Who Expects You to be Somebody." where he wisely observes that it is almost always the influence of meaningful people in our lives that drives us to achievement.The second chapter, "The Energy Between," discusses how, "Focusing on the individual is too narrow -- and focusing on the entire group is too broad.
The final part of the book more fully develops his system of eight vital friendship roles:BuilderChampionCollaboratorCompanionConnectorEnergizerMind OpenerNavigatorHe discusses how these roles differ and how to develop these roles both in your life and in the lives of your friends. This often subconscious expectation is both unrealistic (no one person can meet all our relationship needs) and a potential relationship killer, both in friendships and in romance and marriage. Expecting to receive the same of what I give to a friend again is both unrealistic and a potential relationship killer. The book also gives you an access code to a website where you can take a survey to help classify your own friends as to the roles they play in your life.I realized the importance of my friends before I picked up this book. I surmise that is why the Duke health research found that it takes at least four close friends-- because different people will speak different things into your life, and you need different kinds of friends to have well-balanced friend "nutrition" for your soul, just as you need different foods from different groups to give your body what it needs.The second part of the book goes into more detail about the vital importance of friends at work, citing both anecdotes and research. And that is exactly what Tom Rath proceeds to explain, that having friends, real, meaningful engaged relationships, is absolutely vital to our health, our well-being, and our personal and professional success.
In a similar vein, he warns us of expecting friendships to be "reciprocal." In other words, I may be an energizer to my friend, but he may be a mind opener for me. But after reading Vital Friends, I had more appreciation of my friends, new insights into the nature of our friendships, and greater skills & determination to develop our friendships further. But is that really the key. The real energy occurs in each connection between two people, which can bring about exponential returns." His next chapter, "Better than Prozac." cites some interesting research, including a Duke University study showing people with less than four close friends had more than double the risk of heart disease.The most helpful concept he develops in the book is that of "the rounding error" in chapter 5.
I liked Vital Friends much better after talking about the issues it raises. Our book club men found the analysis especially revealing when applied to their personal lives. Our women were less inspired, perhaps because thinking about friendship was not such uncharted territory. My book club read Vital Friends last week. The bottom line: thinking aloud about friendship is important to both private and public well-being. All of us liked the book's values.Rath's survey study reveals surprising connections between productivity and policies promoting friendship at work. The men responded well to it; the women seemed lukewarm. Rath also developed a structure for analyzing dynamic components common among friends, a structure available on-line.
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